


a guide to coming out, by rick castle

by transzoemurphy



Category: Castle (TV)
Genre: Beach Trip, Coming Out, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Scars, Someone Help Them, Swearing, Swimming, Trans Male Character, body image issues, i guess?, kevin and javi are DRUNKK here yeet, pov castle, stealth trans character, the author thinks he's clever but he's really just sleep deprived, they're so drunk lmao, third person, trans rick castle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 06:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19420423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transzoemurphy/pseuds/transzoemurphy
Summary: The squad ("the squad" being Esposito, Ryan, Beckett, and Castle) go to the beach. Castle answers some questions





	a guide to coming out, by rick castle

**Author's Note:**

> actually rick castle is canonically trans. u know why?? because IM trans and i said so. if u dont like it this fic wont be a good idea for u. but also know that ur opinion is Incorrect. Hes Trans Now Babey!!

So the NYPD thought it would be cool to have a goddamn beach party. 

Okay, Beckett, Esposito, and Ryan had thought that, so it wasn't really the NYPD, just a couple coworkers and a writer.   
But still. Castle couldn't quite think of a way out of this one. The beach? With Beckett? In, like, a swimsuit? From that alone, he was fucked.   
But then there was also the problem of his being transgender. Because he'd already come out. He'd already transitioned. He was a stealth trans man, as far as he knew, the only one at his job. But he wasn't going to be stealth for much longer if he went on this trip.   
But he wanted to go on the trip. And the thing was, he trusted them. Castle's Comrades, as he'd once referred to them, earning a punch to the bicep from Kate, which he took as encouragement. He trusted them to accept him, and he knew they wouldn't say anything.  
The problem, Rick decided, was that he wasn't sure that any of them would see him as a real man anymore. And the last thing he wanted was to be seen as a woman, or a fake, or in-between. He just wanted to be seen as a man.   
Castle stared at himself in the mirror. He was wearing simple black swim trunks and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, one that showed the scars on his chest from top surgery. Was his waist too small for a male? Were his hips too large? He'd gained a lot of muscle since beginning to work with Kate, but did it make him look masculine or did it emphasise any femininity?  
And like, it was chill if any other dude looked like him and went to the beach. But it was just because this was his body, that he had to live in it, that the great and mighty Rick Castle was beginning to crumble.   
Martha crashed into the room as dramatically as she always did, wearing a swoopy, sparkly blue and red outfit.   
"Oh, darling, you look wonderful! Look at you, all grown up."  
"Thanks, mother. You see me every day."  
"I was wondering, if Alexis would like to, could she go out to he Hamptons with me for a weekend?"  
"There she is. If Alexis is okay with it, and she doesn't have to study, then sure."  
"Thank you, Ricky. I'll be sure to return her as good as new."  
Martha exited the same way she had entered (quickly, loudly, dramatically) and Castle sighed, buttoning up his shirt before stepping out of his room.   
"I'm hanging out with the Comrades," he told Alexis, who rolled her eyes.   
"Dad. Please."  
He shook his head fondly. "See you in a few hours. If I'm not back by then I've been kidnapped."  
"Okay," she said dryly. "Bye, love you."  
"Love you too."  
*  
Castle was at the beach in ten minutes flat, and he immediately spotted Beckett, which was, like, a superpower of his. He had a Kate-dar. Kaydar? Whatever.   
He made his way over to where Javier was drinking a slushy from a paper bag and Kevin was drinking what definitely wasn't a slushy from his own paper bag.   
As he went, he unbuttoned his shirt, figuring it would be more awkward to do it there. His scars were really thick because he'd always been bad at self control: he kept lifting his arms after surgery. The result was scars which were thicker than expected, scars which didn't usually bother him, but they did that day.  
"Javi, Kev, Katie," he greeted.   
"Ricky," Kate responded. "Nice to see you here."  
"Yeah, very nice to see you," he said, winking and giving her a very obvious once-over to fully get his point across. Kate didn't even dignify that with a response, which was fair of her.   
But, like, she was actually really gorgeous. Her hair was long and wavy, falling down to her mid-back, and she wore a green-gold swimsuit that Castle vaguely remembered from some case or another. Her skin looked soft and smooth, except for the bullet wound on her chest. It pained him to know that she had been in so much pain. God, Kate was so fucking strong.   
He blinked himself out of his train of thought: Castle's brain was short-circuiting, and he probably shouldn't be staring at Kate's chest.   
So he drew his eyes away and flicked Esposito. "Bro, can you get me a slushy?"  
"I dunno, can you get a life?"  
"YOOO," Kevin shouted.   
...So apparently Esposito and Kevin had been sharing the paper bag alcohol.   
"I tried to stop them," Kate said apologetically. "Unfortunately, when they get an idea in their little heads, there's no stopping them."  
"Reminds me of someone I know."  
"Alexis?"  
"Well, yes, but I was thinking of you."  
Kate nodded. "That's fair."  
"Who was the designated driver out of the two of them?" Castle asked, looking over to Javier and Ryan.   
"I like how you just naturally assumed that they drove together," Kate responded, brushing her hair out of her face.   
"You're trying to tell me they're not married?"  
"Yep. It's wild." Kate sighed. "Yeah, no, I drove them. No alcohol for me, I guess."  
"None for me, either. Sober squad," he said. "If I end up doing shots please drive me home."  
"No." Kate took a long drink from her soda. Castle definitely didn't take the chance to near-creepily stare at her as she brushed her hair out of her face and took a sip, throat bobbing, her free hand was resting by her side. Maybe he was overdramatic, but he was glad Kate would let him see this side of her, the less guarded version of her. The version who said fuck it to the scar on her chest and went to the beach in a bikini anyway. The version of her who existed outside of work, when she got to pry away a little bit of her cold exterior.   
"Can I ask you a question?"  
Castle hated hearing those words in that order. "Sure."  
"What happened?" she asked, gesturing vaguely to Rick's chest.   
"The doctors weren't kidding when they said you can't lift your arms too much after surgery."  
Kate nodded. "I can leave it alone if you want?"  
"No," he responded. "Just gimme a sec."  
"Okay." She poked at his knee. "The great Richard Castle needs to think about what to say? It's the end of the world."  
Rick rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Okay, I haven't talked about this in a while, but like, here's the thing."   
Rick took a breath to steady himself and Kate placed her hand on top of his.   
"I'm trans. A transgender man. Female-to-male. Y'know. So. I had to get surgery to— yeah."  
Kate squeezed his hand comfortingly. "Stop panicking, Rick. It's fine. I'm not gonna drop you."  
"Good," he said. "Okay."  
"Seriously, you're fine. Besides, we all have scars. Some of us had surgery. Some of us were shot. It happens. It doesn't make you less of a man and it doesn't make me dead."  
Rick smiled. "I'm glad you're not dead."  
His eyes drifted to the scar on Kate's chest, refusing to acknowledge her soft skin or the curve of her chest, instead just the dark scar nearly directly over her heart. How that didn't kill her, he wasn't sure, but he was glad.   
"Richard, if you don't stop staring at my chest I'm calling the cops."  
"I'm not staring, and you are the cops."  
Kate cupped her hands over her mouth. "Ryan? Esposito?"  
The two ran over like overenthusiastic police dogs in training.   
"Yeah, we're gonna have to detain Castle for being annoying."  
Ryan nodded solemnly. "Yeah... that's true."  
"Yo... Is that even like, legal, bro?"  
Kate rolled her eyes before meeting Castle's. "They both had, like, seven shots. I tried to stop them."  
"Beckett. Beckett. Beckett," Ryan said.   
"What do you want, Kevin?"  
"What'd he do this time? Why's he on death row? Did little Ricky kill someone?"  
Kate sighed deeply. "Yes, my chance of being a cop without Mr. Shadow here right behind me. Nope. The only killers here are you." She grabbed both of them by the shoulders, pulling them closer to her to speak quietly. "You, much like Castle, have officially killed my patience."  
Castle looked up at where she had Ryan and Esposito looking almost scared, and said what any self-respecting man would: "Beckett, that's kinda hot. Me next?" He held out his hands. "Handcuffs?"  
Kate sighed deeply as Castle laughed.   
"Woah dude," Javier said, collapsing next to Rick, "What happened to your chest, bro, didja get stabbed?"  
"Don't be rude, Javi," Kate called, sitting down as well.   
"I wasn't stabbed. I had surgery."  
"Ohhhhh." Esposito paused. "For what? Why didn't you get stabbed?"  
"I'll stab him if you want me to," Kate mumbled, but she was kidding, Castle could tell.   
"If you guys weren't drunk off your asses at ten in the morning, you'd already know this, but I'm transgender, female-to-male."  
"Cool," Ryan said. "So like Transformers?"  
"...Not really," Rick said.   
"No, dude, of course not." Esposito paused. "Transformers can't get stabbed."  
The two of them started laughing like that was the funniest fucking thing that had ever been uttered on this earth and Kate sighed, pulling the cooler towards her and pulling out a box of ice cream sandwiches. "Want one?"  
"Yeah. Definitely."  
She handed him one first before taking one for herself. Castle ripped into the wrapper like a seven-year-old and took a huge bite; Kate, on the other hand, unwrapped hers carefully before taking an even bigger bite, presumably just to make a point.  
"Anyway," she said after she swallowed, "Again, all jokes aside, I'm glad you trusted me with this. It means a lot to know that you trust me."  
"I mean, you've saved my life almost as many times as I've saved yours; you have to be at least a little trustworthy."  
Kate slammed her soda down into the sand. "God damn it, I've saved you way more times than you've saved me and you know it, Castle."  
Rick just laughed gleefully and started listing off times he'd saved her life, throwing in a couple fake ones just to piss her off.   
Rick was actually pretty glad that Castle's Comrades had decided to go to the beach, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i used castle to refer to him most of the time but rick when he was more vulnerable bcus i think im clever


End file.
